This summer, I joined the Living Proof Ministries summer Bible study called "No Other Gods." I enjoy getting involved in Bible study and the writer of this particular study (Kelly Minter) will be at my church in August and I had just read a rather hilarious, yet serious, article that she had written. So I was hooked - doesn't take much, huh?
Now, the title of the series didn't inspire me too much as I have always viewed idols, or other gods, as people or things. However, Kelly describes false gods/idols as a functional god. What is it that motivates us, masters or rules us or what holds power over us? What is the controlling force in our lives?
2Kings 17:7 says, "All this took place because the Israelites had sinned against the Lord their God, who had brought them up out of Egypt from under the power of Pharaoh king of Egypt. They worshiped other gods."
Kelly asked us to consider our "pharoah" and what his power looks like in our life. WOW! The last five years have definitely been a struggle for me. My life definitely isn't what I expected or even hoped for. I felt called to be a stay-at-home (except for coaching cheerleading and writing/speaking), youth minister's wife, mom. And that is exactly what the Lord blessed me with until 2003 when our world caved in.
We spent that year dealing with the hurt, confusion and disbelief. Actually, my husband spent that year with those things, I was ready to jump back into whatever God had next. I tried to volunteer at the church we were attending and was told there wasn't a need. My husband did some supply preaching while we sent out resumes and asked the Lord to place us in full-time ministry again. We are still waiting on that and slowly anger has crept into my soul a little at a time.
I am angry with my husband. Angry that he is angry. Angry that he is still selling cars. Angry that the house we were living in became inhabited by ants. Angry that our current living space is so small. Angry when I am late to work or church. It seems I am angry at everything, everyone, everytime.
Even this morning as I was getting ready for work I couldn't find my gold butterfly necklace. I crept back into my room to search in my jewelry box. As I was rummaging, my husband, who was still asleep in bed, raised his head, rolled over and went back to sleep. My anger swelled up raising thoughts of, "How dare you be mad at me! You are still asleep in bed and I am about to leave for work. I'll make as much noise as I want." Thankfully, the Holy Spirit convicted me quickly that I had another god. I prayed for forgiveness right away and felt the Spirit melt over me. (My poor husband. He did nothing except reposition in bed and I was about to spend my entire day mad at him.)
The Word says, "God is not a god of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind." God is also not a god of anger, but of forgiveness, peace and a sound mind. Those are the things I desire to have power over me and controlling my thoughts. No other God will do!
By the way, Kelly, if you are reading this...I am sorry from the depth of my soul. I love you and promise to not give in to my anger any longer! The blood of Christ has covered me and there is great power in the blood!
Now, the title of the series didn't inspire me too much as I have always viewed idols, or other gods, as people or things. However, Kelly describes false gods/idols as a functional god. What is it that motivates us, masters or rules us or what holds power over us? What is the controlling force in our lives?
2Kings 17:7 says, "All this took place because the Israelites had sinned against the Lord their God, who had brought them up out of Egypt from under the power of Pharaoh king of Egypt. They worshiped other gods."
Kelly asked us to consider our "pharoah" and what his power looks like in our life. WOW! The last five years have definitely been a struggle for me. My life definitely isn't what I expected or even hoped for. I felt called to be a stay-at-home (except for coaching cheerleading and writing/speaking), youth minister's wife, mom. And that is exactly what the Lord blessed me with until 2003 when our world caved in.
We spent that year dealing with the hurt, confusion and disbelief. Actually, my husband spent that year with those things, I was ready to jump back into whatever God had next. I tried to volunteer at the church we were attending and was told there wasn't a need. My husband did some supply preaching while we sent out resumes and asked the Lord to place us in full-time ministry again. We are still waiting on that and slowly anger has crept into my soul a little at a time.
I am angry with my husband. Angry that he is angry. Angry that he is still selling cars. Angry that the house we were living in became inhabited by ants. Angry that our current living space is so small. Angry when I am late to work or church. It seems I am angry at everything, everyone, everytime.
Even this morning as I was getting ready for work I couldn't find my gold butterfly necklace. I crept back into my room to search in my jewelry box. As I was rummaging, my husband, who was still asleep in bed, raised his head, rolled over and went back to sleep. My anger swelled up raising thoughts of, "How dare you be mad at me! You are still asleep in bed and I am about to leave for work. I'll make as much noise as I want." Thankfully, the Holy Spirit convicted me quickly that I had another god. I prayed for forgiveness right away and felt the Spirit melt over me. (My poor husband. He did nothing except reposition in bed and I was about to spend my entire day mad at him.)
The Word says, "God is not a god of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind." God is also not a god of anger, but of forgiveness, peace and a sound mind. Those are the things I desire to have power over me and controlling my thoughts. No other God will do!
By the way, Kelly, if you are reading this...I am sorry from the depth of my soul. I love you and promise to not give in to my anger any longer! The blood of Christ has covered me and there is great power in the blood!
2 comments:
Hey Siesta! I'm popping over from the LPM blog and when I read your post I knew I just had to come by. Then as I read your post here I was certain I was sent here by the Holy Spirit.
You see, I've been where you are. Let me also say that it's still an area that the enemy goes to OFTEN in me! After 9/11 my husband lost his job, then in 2002 while I was pregnant with baby #3, my dad was diagnosed with brain cancer and went home to be with Jesus 5 months after my baby was born. Then we lost our home, we lost our car, my mother moved from NC back to WV leaving me here "alone" with 3 kids and no family around and that's when it hit me. I became consumed by anger. I was mad at everyone, everything, all the time. No one could do anything to make me happy.
BUT GOD (oh how I love those words) in His goodness and mercy slowly began to crack my hardened heart and show me all the idols I had erected around myself. It was a very difficult time, but looking back I wouldn't trade a thing for it. Don't get me wrong, it's still a battle for me and I have to pray before I even open my eyes every day - and often during the day!! But I just wanted to come by here and tell you that you aren't alone. To tell you that you are so brave to let this kind of thing be "out there" for everyone to see. To tell you that the Father is so proud of you for taking the time to look at yourself and make the changes He wants you to make.
I'll be praying for you as we tear down our high places together thru this study!!!
MAKE ROOM Siesta!!!
Valarie
NC
Gay,
This may be very little encouragement, but let me at least try to encourage you by saying that your true strength and love of the Lord shown through in your words in this post. It is altogether easy to love God when things are going our way. But we know the truth: that we see Him most clearly only from the bottom. Hardly ever from the top.
I've been in a similar spot. I took on the responsibility of being a husband and father in one day. In only a matter of months found myself and my wife both fired from THE CHURCH on the same day. Why? For following God's heart and standing up to men who were only interested in money and power.
It has taken me six years as of this past March to come to any sense of terms with it all. And like you, I still find myself afraid. I still find myself angry. Angry at God for allowing His church to work this way. Angry and unwilling to submit myself to the authority of anyone who claims church leadership.
Unlike you, my faith has not been so great.
Hold fast to the knowledge that "It may be Friday, but Sunday's comin." As your friend said above, you are not alone. And your testimony, as always, is a blessing to those around you...even when it is a testimony of your humanity.
Tom B
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